Rant-a-licious!

"I'm finding my way back to sanity again..."

twist
jessashoutbaby
About my knee...and stuff....


twist
ache
gnarled nerves
and muscle
constant nagging ache
aggravated
by the slightest misstep
elevate
the threat of pure pain
only
one
step
away.

passive aggressive
jessashoutbaby
possessive
obsessive
maddeningly passive aggressive
what the fuck is going on?
drifting into a sea
of insecurity
cliches drowning me by the oceanload
want the dues that i am owed
oh self-confidence, where have you gone?
drifting
shifting
in dire need of uplifting
deserted by my attitude
now i'm in a bitter mood
and there's no one to claim
the blame
this is the fault of past insanity
putting the fear of deity
in me.

pressure...
jessashoutbaby

Can you tell I'm battling senioritis? It is precisely one month until graduation, and counting.... Do I even need to say that the italicized words are the Lyrics to Queen and David Bowie's Under Pressure?

dum dum dum dudududum

psshhk

du dum dum dum dudududum

pressure!

feelin' like Freddie Mercury

with a side of David Bowie

dum dum dum dudududum

under pressure

200 pound weights on each shoulder

boulders

hold up!

hold what?

hold these fucking textbooks

toss them in the trash

whatever

i need reprieve!

 i need release!

i need sex

but i need an A first

yet all i can focus on is the sweet imagery

a tableu:

textbooks roasting on an open fire

me and a stack of Vogues

warmed by some half-wit psychology major's

opus

 but then my chest depresses

as i climb out of academic messes

and deal with twelve too many stresses

 pressure!

pushing down on me,

pushing down on you!

bum ba ba hey

bum ba ba hey

daday-oh

daday-oh

i'm watching too many friends scream

LET ME OUT!

but it's the sound of my own voice

shrieking the same plea

that scares me most

as i fall into

a rabbit hole

a lecture hall

can't even climb

continue to fall

tis the season for daring to dream

for stifling screams

 of desperation

elevation

of this soul's what i require

not some pretentious professor's putrid ire

oh, but my brains are on the floor

these are the days it never rains but it pours

and it's pissing on my parade and yours

maybe what we need is

lovelovelovelove...

give love give love give love

Keep coming up with love

But it's so slashed and torn

why?

why?

because love is such a silly sentiment

actually having one's heart content

And love dares you to care

For the people on the edge of the light

And love dares you to change our way

Of caring about ourselves

and who can think about self-preservation 

when your brain's strung out on communication crack

this major is whack

i really can't handle these panic attacks

but pouring poetry onto pages

isn't going to further all of the stages

i need to complete these tasks so great

this is time to work not meditate

and so we fade

 into another day

into another text

into another test

dum dum dum du du du dum

shhhh...

pressure.


Am I the only one...
jessashoutbaby
...not getting drunk today? Oh, I am? Bummer.

Spark
jessashoutbaby
This is one from the archives...found it in a journal from a while back.

spark by jessa shoutbaby

shock
like a current
of electricity
a single touch
and i feel electrocuted
a joke
a smile
a hug
and suddenly, things shift
and my world spins
dizzy
ditzy
drained of common sense
who are you?
what have you done to me?
how can you be so
oblivious
to this wicked pulse?

Sad Lil Thing
jessashoutbaby
I don't know why, but I feel incredibly sad right now. I think I'm just having a bad day. I really feel like crying, and I'm not sure why. I think I miss my friends. I miss a lot of people.

i'm a sad lil thing
can't help it
the virus that eats through everything
positivity
turns to negativity
without ever asking me
if i would care for it to shift
or change
i hate feeling low
don't wanna go
back to that
so don't make me go
back to that
keep on running
just can't stop
my heart on one of those, anti-gravity wheels
at the county fair
just hoping
praying
it doesn't fall off
keep on movin' baby
keep on going
i can't stand to feel
my heart sinking and slowing.

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